Holidays are coming…

Well this has been a speedy fucking year hasn’t it? One minute we’re marvelling at the fact it’s still snowing in April, next thing we know it John Lewis have cracked out their latest snow filled ad and everyone shits themselves and pegs it down to the shops for a mass brawl over the last Christmas tea towel.

Even though I’m not sure where the year has gone, which is ever so slightly terrifying, I do have a big soft spot for the festive season. So to celebrate this I have put together my top ten list of things I love about our main man J.C’s mega birthday bash. WOOOOO!
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1. EVERYTHING IS FUCKING SPARKLY

Anyone who knows me (or has read this blog before) will know that I am partial to a bit of bling bling. Sparkly things just make me happy. And what does Christmas bring? A very large amount of sparkliness. Even though as a general rule I hate Oxford street with a passion (and the mongs who walk down it at the pace of pensioner snails on sleeping tablets) the glittery lights still have that ability to distract me, albeit momentarily, with that warm fuzzy festive feeling. Before I then have an overwhelming urge to push someone over again.
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On top of just the lights, the clever shop people also realise that anything glitzy at this time of year is a MUST. Which is without doubt a wonderful thing, and means that I can walk around looking like a living breathing bauble with a genuine reason.
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2. It gets cold… really cold. So you can wrap up all toasty warm.

As long as it doesn’t rain then I am generally OK with the chilly weather. There is something quite nice about old Jack Frost nipping at your nose as you skip along merrily, layered up like the Michelin man. Plus it gives me an excuse to whack out the fur coat, and that always fills me with joy.
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3. It’s suddenly socially acceptable to drink at ANY time of day

Mimosa at 7am? Why not. Christmas vodka shot at 11am? Fuck it, it’s pretty much lunch time anyway. LETS ALL GET SHIT FACED AND HUG EACH OTHER!!! Mulled wine? Oh god yes, we’ll all freeze to death otherwise, surely?

My mother gets a bit aggressive with the alcohol pushing around this time of year… Last year she made me do a shot of vodka before she would let me through the front door after we’d been Christmas food shopping, to ‘cope with the ordeal’. She also made me neck a few shots of Christmas pudding vodka when I got in absolutely slaughtered on Christmas Eve, to help her deal with wrapping the last of the presents (I’m still not entirely sure of the logic behind that one). Fuck ittttt, it’s Christmas.
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4. Likewise… Eat chocolate.

Well if I’ve had my morning advent calendar chocolate already I might as well just tuck into this tin of Quality Street… No harm done.
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5. Visiting Christmas markets

The only bad experience I have at a Christmas market (it was a pretty shit one anyway to be fair) was as a result of a giant moose head placed on the roof above the bar, which occasionally spoke and twisted around a bit. This was fucking terrifying. The only solution was to console myself with more mulled wine… Aside from that they are usually lovely places.
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6. Seeing everyone (family, friends, long lost pets etc.) that you haven’t seen since the year before

Every Christmas Eve all of the old school friends head off down the pub, drink all afternoon and reminisce on the year that has passed and how we have only just realised that we haven’t seen each other in an ENTIRE YEAR. Again. After a few Christmas themed picture poses it is then vowed between all, with wine sloshing through the air, that this is not acceptable and will not happen again… Until the next Christmas Eve when we realise yet another year has passed before our very eyes.
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(This collection is a prime example… All of these pictures were on Christmas Eve, 6 YEARS AGO. Apart from one, which was 5 years ago.)

7. Christmas choons

I’m still not sure what the socially acceptable date is to begin banging out the Christmas tunes… But it is a beautiful time, whenever it is (apart from if you work in retail, when this is a) always far too fucking early and b) shit, because you spend the entire day with the same CD on repeat. For months). My two favourites are The Pogues – Fairytale of New York and Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song. Generally Michael Buble’s version of anything Christmassy is also justified ear porn, as he has a voice that sounds like chocolate covered velvet. Stellar choices, if I do say so my self.

One maybe to steer clear of though is ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’, as the further through it you get, the more aggressive they become. WE WANT SOME FIGGY PUDDING, WE WON’T GO UNTIL WE’VE GOT SOME. RAHHHHHHBITCHES!!! If they don’t get some figgy pudding pretty sharpish then shit’s gon’ go downnnnn.
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8. Christmas films and duvet days

As it gets progressively colder outside, the more I start to believe that I am in fact some kind of hibernating animal. Which is perfectly acceptable of course, it is Christmas. And what could possibly be better to occupy yourself during your hibernation time? Sofa, duvet, and a cracking festive film. Love Actually, The Holiday, Elf, Miracle on 34th Street, Serendipity… The list goes on. This could be another blog post actually, hmmmm.
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9. Presents

Obviously receiving presents is pretty awesome, but I absolutely love buying presents for people. Christmas shopping can be hellish HOWEVER the feeling of joy and elation once you’ve smashed through it all and bought the best presents yet somehow melts all that initial stress away. And as cheesy as it sounds… Watching someone you love open something that you know that they will love? Priceless.
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10. ‘Tis the season to be jolly

Christmas is generally just a jolly time isn’t it? Apart from those Scrooges who claim that they ‘don’t really like Christmas very much’ (and then usually end up confessing that in fact, they don’t mind it THAT much once it’s closer to the time), there is generally a nice feeling in the air. And everyone’s constantly pissed from ongoing Christmas parties anyway, so most people are loving life.
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MERRY CHRISTMASSSSSS BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! xxx

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